my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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