I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
