woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
