i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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