I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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