if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
