Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
