So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
