So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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