please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
