Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
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