im six kinds of drunk right now
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
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