So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
being pregnant is like rehab
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
