I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
