sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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