I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize