Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
