So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
