I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
