never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
