So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
