She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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