So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
he thought i was a dude.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
