My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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