Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
