and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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