The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
