i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
