Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
