Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
