I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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