I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize