the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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