The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
