Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
