I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
