Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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