I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
