U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You made out with two different species that night
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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