I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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