she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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