I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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