I wish I could teleport
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
