you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
