Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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