Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
