Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
