so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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