Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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