i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
