good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Randomize
