trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
