matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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