You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
