where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
