i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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