Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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