4 words: hood of his car
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
