So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
my liver is dry heaving
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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