yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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