I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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