he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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