Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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