Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
