Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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