I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
