what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
