I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
