I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
