Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
