he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
