4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
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