God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
