You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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