"it" just moved
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
