I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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