She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Plan B is the new Plan A
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
