coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
