Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize