i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
