come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
