I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
