I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
