That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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