my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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