So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
