he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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