very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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