If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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