so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I think my moral compass just broke
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