On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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