she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
then he tried to convert me to islam
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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