It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
