hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
